Mike & Mike: Biggest Sellouts Ever

How did these guys get so popular? Why are radio personalities suddenly peddling everything in the whole damn world? Has anyone ever sold out quite as quickly or effectively as these two? I submit that the answer to that question is no.

There is nothing more frustrating than talk radio. Listening to people with bloated self-importance try to stretch four talking points into 3 hours is beyond aggravating. I don't venture to the AM dial much, but if I do, it's either to listen to a game, or listen to ESPN Radio. Now, I love ESPN, but it is guilty of this too. When there is nothing to talk about, talk radio soldiers on, and this is when it reaches its very worst. To illustrate, here's what happened last night:

I was headed to Subway for a delicious $5 footlong (speaking of effective marketing), and I turned on ESPN Radio because, among other things, regular radio is getting really old. As I make the 3 minute drive over there around 10:30pm, I am "fortunate" enough to catch the night guy talking about a kid that wore a Brett Favre jersey everyday for 4 years. Now, that's pretty crazy, if not disgusting, but this guy made it sound like it was some kind of important story. He read from the article that the reason why the kid took it off was because it was getting too short. He was 8 when he got it, and now, 4 years later, it's too small. Not difficult to accept that reasoning. This guy didn't. He gave 2 reasons why the kid took it off: Brett Favre's retirement (which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard) and girls. Alright, whatever the reason, it still doesn't matter. It's NOT a story! See? Frustrating.

So Mike & Mike have been on ESPN Radio for a few years now, and have been successful. They're on for 4 hours, from 6-10am EST. But for the last year or so, they've been on TV also. They have a studio, and tape the show. The radio show. Now, my personal distaste for both of them aside, they're the biggest thing in sports radio right now, so naturally advertisers see potential in this. God knows how many sponsors they've been approached by, but they've accepted almost everything apparently.

Let me give you a little run down of what these guys peddle, aside from their ESPN sponsors (like the RadioShack inbox), either together or individually:

• Domino's - Those annoying voices telling me I've got 30 minutes in the commercials
• NutriSystem - Eat like a lineman without looking like one
• Duel - The ABC show that Greenberg hosts (or hosted? Not sure)
  
• Pizza Hut - Complete with crappy online game
• Dr. Pepper - Goes great with pizza, I guess
  

I'm sure there are others, these are just off the top of my head right now. Let me know what I forgot.

Being a marketing major, I can't blame them or the advertisers. I can't. If they can sell it, which I often have trouble believing, then good for them. But guys, isn't it important to maintain some integrity along the way? I mean, first of all, how do you expect people to take you seriously and accept what you say as honest if it always has some company name in front of it? Also, how can you pitch two products that so obviously contradict each other?

First off, how can you advertise for Pizza Hut and Domino's at the same time? That's a problem, both for the companies, who fucked that up, and for Mike & Mike because that almost screams "we'll do anything for a buck" and because both of those pizzas SUCK!

Furthermore, I submit that it is slightly unethical for Mike Golic to sell both NutriSystem and Domino's pizza. How contradicting is that? Can you make it any more obvious that you're just doing it for the money? Domino's will make you fat. NutriSystem alleges to make you thin. If you do both, you're boned. Oh, and I'm not sure it's part of the NutriSystem plan to compete in a buffalo wing eating contest. That really makes me question their intentions in all this.

Wait, no it doesn't. Mike & Mike are sellouts, they annoy the hell out of me, and they will do anything for money. Regardless of what they bring to the sports world, I don't think I will ever like them, and this is a big reason why.

(As I side note, while I'm making accusations about ESPN, I submit to you that John Clayton is paralyzed, and in a wheelchair. I have never seen his legs move, the legs they never show anyways, and when on camera, his upper body never moves. I have no reason to believe that he is not. Anyone?)